Same Sex Marriage: To Be or Not to Be

An historical moment in our history is about to occur this week. We are moving towards including the homosexual segment of our population. The Supreme Court is about to decide if Same Sex Marriage is a constitutional right; if same-sex marriage a class of people being discriminated against? Should same-sex marriage be judged the same as ‘blacks’ and ‘women’ rights, as ‘class discrimination’?

One in seven adults (14%) have changed their mind about same-sex marriage. Personally, I’m finding many of my friends have a gay or lesbian in their family. Who knows how many are still closeted; afraid of family and friend disapproval.

Recently, Colorado, in a sharp turnaround, approved civil unions for gay and lesbian couples. This comes only a few years after voters banned same-sex marriage in 2006. The law goes into effect May 1, 2013 and Colorado will join eight states that have civil unions on similar laws. There are nine states and the District of Columbia that allow gay marriage.

” Is the tide turning for support of same-sex marriage in America? The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments next week on the legality of California’s Proposition 8 and will talk exclusively with David Boies, one of the lawyers arguing for the law’s repeal before the Court next week.”

-NBC News Meet the Press, March 23, 2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Moral disapproval, without any other asserted state interest, has never been a rational basis for legislation”  – Judge Walker

Is this an uncomfortable topic? Does it make you anxious? Angry? Scared? You are not alone. What does it mean to make same-sex marriage legal? Who does it hurt? For me, if I chose to make a legal commitment to someone (man or woman) what does that decision have to do with anyone else? If I chose to have the law legalize the commitment my chosen partner and I have agreed to, who doe it hurt? This should not be a debate.

Merriam-Webster says: (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex marriage>

It looks like Merriam-Webster has already made same-sex marriage apart of their definition of ‘marriage’. Can we make them take it out?

Personally, if I chose to enter into a  legal commitment (marriage) with a person (man or woman) it is because we have chosen to live together for mutual benefit and love. We feel dedicated and devoted to one another. We are loyal and faithful to one another. None of the feelings I’ve listed  have anything to do with sex. Shouldn’t I be permitted to have all the benefits of any married couple no matter who I chose to make that commitment with?

Weather or not in couple chooses to consummate their marriage with sexual intercourse is their business, not yours or mine and not the courts. I do not believe ‘marriage’ should automatically assume the persons marrying are making a sexual commitment or statement. Love does not make a statement of sexual preference or sexual behavior.  I’ll say it again. I believe my personal sexual preferences or whether I chose to participate in sexual activity or not is my business, not your business or the courts. Therefore, I believe I should be able to make a legal commitment (marry) anyone I chose. I believe I should have access to the same legal and  financial benefits afforded to heterosexual couples.

A number of years ago I was in a relationship with a woman for ten years. We were committed to one another. We loved and were devoted to one another. We were very naive when it came to our financial relationship, as many couples are, we did not draw clear lines about dealing with finances; that coupled with my partners battle with alcoholism brought an end to our commitment and relationship. None of the property was in my name. She was the primary on the bank account. None of the three cars were in my name; there was no rental agreement and according to the law, I had no legal right to be there.

I left the woman who I thought was the love of my life. She locked the home I had known for 10 years against me. I did not get to enter the house to get my personal belongings, she put every thing I owned out into the rain. I had to walk away with absolutely nothing. If it had not been for my friend, I would have been homeless and on the street. I had no legal recourse. My friend should not have had to bare this burden. The law should have been there to protect me and my partner.

Happy same-sex marriage trails!

5 thoughts on “Same Sex Marriage: To Be or Not to Be

  1. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Michelle. Without you I could not be the person I have become. I love you dearly…and no I’m not going to ask for your hand in marriage. 🙂

  2. Hi Gail. As requested, I read your message above. I don’t often give my opinion on hot button topics like this but I have a lot of respect for you and you requested it. The reason I usually keep my opinions to myself on stuff like this is that I have a pretty diverse circle of friends, and generally when I open my mouth I end up alienating at least one of them. So here goes. What is my opinion on “same sex marriage”?
    Well, to begin with it is probably important to know that I am indeed extremely conservative and might even be called a “right wing nut”, and my conservationism is based in my Christianity. That being said, you might expect that my stance would be firmly against same sex marriage. In fact I think it is ludicrous for any government entity to make a law that would prevent two people from marrying based on the gender of those two people. I think if you chose to be in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex you should have all the same rights under the law as two people of opposite genders in the same situation. However, that is under the law of man. I actually draw a distinction between the idea of “marriage” and the idea of “wedding”. I realize that in general use these two words are virtually the same, but I need two different words to describe two very different states of being. To me “marriage” is a legal contract between two people based on any of a variety of reasons – love, companionship, money – whatever. “Wedding” to me is a spiritual contract between each person and God – so more of a triangular (mimics the “triune God”) situation. Which is why divorce is then such a big deal. In the case of wedding, divorce would be breaking a contract not just with the other person but also with God, where in marriage it would just be dissolving a legal contract. I think that Biblical wedding was designed for one man and one woman and God. So… I do believe that people of the same gender should be allowed to marry under the law and I don’t believe that people of the same gender can ever be wed under the laws of the Bible. And I would never sit under a Church pastoral leadership where they wed people of the same gender because I believe that would be indicative of a fundamental misunderstanding of God’s law.

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